1. |
Peach
02:19
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the blood from a peach runs down your chin blunts on the porch your skin on my skin
can we count it as moving forward if its just a bolt bus to your house
we both know we’re gonna lie here smoking till our lungs turn black
Just us and our bitter hearts, staring at stars for hours in the back of your car
and we grow tougher than we feared that we'd ever be forced to and we grow more tender then we had ever thought possible
and our seven bodies crammed onto my mattress windows open the wallpaper peeling and fading, and our trauma becomes washed out, more abstract and stomped out i know even though i dont have everything worked out
im gonna call all the people i miss to say i
cant wait to kiss you and chain smoke on your front step
lay my head on your chest
ghosts of friends, waist deep in lake washington, i will never forget all the reasons i'm not dead yet, all the cats in my neighborhood and all the times you asked for help and i couldnt give it
we feel lost like kids on the streets inside our brains carved by abuse, love, survival and all those other things one way streets internalized as we ride our bikes they become the neighborhood we grew up in
after all of the phone calls, all the letters i wrote you, you’d think i’d figure out the words to tell you how much i love you, and i know it’s hard for you to feel like you deserve to feel good
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2. |
Take Out
02:05
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cool night air stagnant i smoke off nervousness
outside the santa cruz county bail bonds office
it is an hour or so if we are lucky
till they let you go
when we showed up in the car to pick you up with pizza and vodka five minutes late
they said you already left
with who or where to they wouldn’t say
so we ran through the parking lot of the county jail
our love is the wildfire up on the hill, too big to fail
screaming your name vaguely towards the river levee
we are wolves and this is our howling
roll down the windows turn up the heat blow cigarette smoke look down at our bare feet
driving towards the shitty chinese restaurant the best deal on this end of town
but that was our self care that was our warm red booth that was
anything that got me to leave my fucking room this winter
my head feels light, my vision skewed trying to think about how i feel when i’m hanging out with you
I look down at my lap read the bold red letters on the take out bag
all it said was thank you, and please come back soon
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3. |
Tall Black Trees
02:47
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4. |
Pisces
02:33
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Between your pisces eyes, like oregon hot springs
And my tendency to stay inside for junk food for dinner, my ashtray knocked over
I’ll pick you up, i’ll smoke you out
I know what this year has done to you
Just lay in the bath, a bowl to yourself
Let the water run right over you
Last night I read that “darkness is for doing whatever makes being together feel good”
I don’t even know you, I just want to let you feel this
So we hang out everyday for weeks, until we think in parallel
And in your smile I dont speak, I let your silence find me
i let yr silence find me
I’ll pick you up, i’ll smoke you out
I know what this year has done to you
Just lay in the bath, a bowl 2 yourself
And let the water run right over you
The sunlit grass warms my back, and you look at me like you know how hard I'm trying
I swim deep down under dark gentle water and the soft reeds brush my ankles
Where there’s no light and no sound, just the algae surrounding me in guarding
Last night I read that “darkness is for doing whatever makes being together feel good”
I don’t even know you, I just want to let you feel this
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5. |
Sleepover
02:13
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Bury my feet in the dirt by the pine in the garden
With my cat, he got too brave in the breath of the freeway
Bury my feet in yr blankets christmas lights in your bedroom
With your cat i get brave and i tell you how i’m feeling
Bury my face in your hair, you smell like parliaments and whispered fears
Like what if you move back to new york and i never see you again?
We wear each others clothes, a silent promise on the back porch
We pack another bowl and skate down to the corner store
Watch the nail glow red turn my teeth into ash
You’ve got eyes like fire and i’m feeling cashed
With grief in my lungs i will choke on your silence
Your breath on my lips tastes like skullcap and violets
And our eyes glaze over eagerly in
smoked out fantasies of chosen family
A house in the woods, a litter of kittens,
we could raise our children with a river to swim in
You brush my hair behind my ear
Can’t stay in this town long, but for tonight you’re here
I never throw out your empties, you text me every night
I see reflections of ghosts, like your eyes in the porch light
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6. |
Nights Like These
01:41
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strawberry stained fingertips chain smoking binge-watching netflix
bike grease in my hair blood on your jeans
blisters on your feet a huge grin full of teeth
the california drought the smell after the thunderstorm that knocked the power out
sweat soaks up my handle bars, i want to die with all my scars
if they don’t like the way we are, then fuck them
and i stayed up, chain smoking in the kitchen until you got home
and the curtains were on fire. fuck, i’m sorry you feel all alone
with the tv blasting shadows on my face — hitching back to the apartment — it was such a lonely place.
i place my head between my knees and think: “do you ever have nights like these ?“
so separated from my sense of self and the shit you keep up on your bookshelf.
so i just take another sip. i keep falling off and eating shit and forgetting to unclip
the sun will rise another time, for now it’s me and you, our bikes
we trip and stumble, laughing, to the park
the flea bites laid out on my wrist, the heart shaped blister on my palm the handlebars had etched
my body is out on my back porch my brain is fucking somewhere else, on the roof with the flags we torched
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7. |
Hot Knives
04:02
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i’m feeling embarrassed i let the moonlight get the best of me
i swear i was doing better, right now im just drunker than i meant to be
snow swallows up the puget sound beneath my feet six stories down
beneath blueberry wine and blunts telling myself
“i’ll wake up from this nightmare, roll over to find
your soft freckled shoulders right there next to mine"
i can’t help feeling bitter, i can’t help feeling left behind
i don’t give a shit, i’m not embarrassed i’m just
falling apart on the back porch of the house that i used to live in
i don’t know if it’s the hot knives or the dissociation
could i still drive this car all night and crawl in bed with you in oakland?
i can’t remember how it happened, i got to used to isolation
now i still talk to you at night to see you smile and feel you listen
i can feel your fingers through the burn holes in my sweatshirt
i wind up smoked out in your bedroom every time that i get hurt
you pull my hair and i get scared, i steal your favorite sweatshirt
and wear it when i miss you, months after you’re gone
i can feel your fingers through the burn holes in my sweatshirt
while we make out in the bathroom of a house i’ve never been before
when i black out we’re holding hands and laughing in your kitchen
i still struggle to feel stable months after you’re gone
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Real Tree Olympia, Washington
Bee - Drums
Lomes - Guitar and Vox
Cailey - Bass
Olympia pop punk, gay and fast like god intended.
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